what to say?

This post comes during a difficult time. A friend of mine from high school died in a car accident last night  near my hometown. I think back over the memories we have had and many come to mind. I think back over Christ In Youth where he proclaimed his life for Christ just before my Junior year of High School. I remember going to Haiti with him. I remember being frustrated with him, a lot. I remember he always wanted to have a fun time. I remember him at school dealing with tough situations. I remember pool hopping down Daytona Beach. I remember him up until high school. After that, we did not connect. If we did, it was rare. We were not that close, but he was a large part of my life for a few years. At this point, I do not really know what to say.

I like to believe that at any point someone dies every Christian asks, "Do you think he'll go to heaven?" They will ask it immediately, or shortly after any traumatizing event. But it will run through their mind, as it has already been racing through mine. I do not want to analyze his life, nor even want to know the answer to the question above. That is too stressful and too much weight for a person like me. I would love to believe he is above with the good Lord. But I am going to leave this question, and the beliefs that go with it to the good Lord. Just as we all should.

I encourage all of you today to re-evaluate who you are. Who are you in Christ? Ask yourself, "What does God expect of me?" The perfect place to start is the 10 Commandments. The Sermon on the Mount. The Book of James. Romans, etc. And remember in all things to remain faithful, "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2:8-9. 

what happened?

This has no Biblical information. I am not here to be an authority to preaching truth from the Word of God. I am hear to open my heart and help those who are scared for the future. This summer I accepted an offer to  work at a "mega" church just outside of St. Louis, MO. The details to the job sounded great, big church, great staff, and a paid job. Little did I realize that what I thought was perfect in my sight was far from it. I spent an entire summer in children's ministry, which wasn't my position. I was hired on in the department of Leadership and Preaching. I was given books on how to lead, and told how to lead, but I was never given the opportunity to lead. When I asked "Why didn't we (there was a group of us) get a chance to teach or preach or lead more?" The executive pastor replied with a blank stare "we don't trust you." That's why? You don't trust a group of Christian College Bible students to bring the gospel to adults? This reply had long term effects upon my faithfulness. I got to a point where I couldn't even pick up the Word of God because I viewed myself as not worthy enough and the fear of preaching and teaching out of context haunted me. As of a couple of weeks ago I called my self faithless. Understand me that I believe in the Jesus Christ, and God, but faithless in the fact that I have no faith. I believe in the facts of Jesus was real and he died for my sins, but I have no faith, or little faith. I have now found what has been hindering my faith for months. It has caused more pain and problems then I ever thought would have happened. I just want to pass along a word of advice if you end up in a situation where you believe this is the best thing ever... take it with a grain of salt. Stand up for yourself and DO NOT let anyone tell you that your worth is wrapped up in who they believe you to be. I wish I would have understood this concept months, years ago.

I recommend that for those 2 that follow my blog (lolz), continue to pray for wisdom and a humble heart. Thanks for reading... till next time.
Chase