Holy Me.

I am sick of thinking, feeling, believing, that God doesn't exist. I feel an urge to crawl and let my tears fall to the dust because of my lack of love that I show toward this sovereign deity known as YHWH. I have experienced several types of love over the years. There is that type where you solely receive the love while you do not return it. Another example would include the love where you pour out your entire heart and they do not reduplicate that love. Then there is love that shown in both parties, both giving love and also receiving it as well. I have purchased the lie that God's love is solely giving only, and I have no need to return. I have purchased the lie that God doesn't love me, and I make the choices in my life based on my decisions and knowledge. I have purchased the truth that God's love is vast, and he desires you and me regardless of how broken we believe we are. This God created the heavens and the universe. This God is his own dimension and we live inside of it. God knew when I was to be born, he had foreknowledge of my struggles, he also knows the time of my death. A God like this, in my humble opinion, has glory that outshines glory. His glory outshines the the brightest sun. In my mind, somewhere tangled and lost in there I began to believe that life with the one that gave life wasn't enough.  I keep looking for a blessing from God, but I do not recognize what I desire. My mind is consumed with "holy me." I look for reasons to praise YHWH, some come to mind, but none translate into actions. Spiritual dryness has attacked my life again, and not for the last time either. This spiritual dryness has left me cracked, chipped, and broken. The broke chips and the cracks in my skin have been filled with pride, hate, lust, perverse talk, jealously, lack of trust, suppression of the spirit. I am "self-help" classified. I understand and acknowledge that I am tangled, worn down, and trampled on; however, I just continue to pour what should be put to death into my veins. Steven Mayfield said "we nurture life in our hearts that shouldn't be alive." Holy me. Holy. Me. Wholly his.

what to say?

This post comes during a difficult time. A friend of mine from high school died in a car accident last night  near my hometown. I think back over the memories we have had and many come to mind. I think back over Christ In Youth where he proclaimed his life for Christ just before my Junior year of High School. I remember going to Haiti with him. I remember being frustrated with him, a lot. I remember he always wanted to have a fun time. I remember him at school dealing with tough situations. I remember pool hopping down Daytona Beach. I remember him up until high school. After that, we did not connect. If we did, it was rare. We were not that close, but he was a large part of my life for a few years. At this point, I do not really know what to say.

I like to believe that at any point someone dies every Christian asks, "Do you think he'll go to heaven?" They will ask it immediately, or shortly after any traumatizing event. But it will run through their mind, as it has already been racing through mine. I do not want to analyze his life, nor even want to know the answer to the question above. That is too stressful and too much weight for a person like me. I would love to believe he is above with the good Lord. But I am going to leave this question, and the beliefs that go with it to the good Lord. Just as we all should.

I encourage all of you today to re-evaluate who you are. Who are you in Christ? Ask yourself, "What does God expect of me?" The perfect place to start is the 10 Commandments. The Sermon on the Mount. The Book of James. Romans, etc. And remember in all things to remain faithful, "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2:8-9. 

what happened?

This has no Biblical information. I am not here to be an authority to preaching truth from the Word of God. I am hear to open my heart and help those who are scared for the future. This summer I accepted an offer to  work at a "mega" church just outside of St. Louis, MO. The details to the job sounded great, big church, great staff, and a paid job. Little did I realize that what I thought was perfect in my sight was far from it. I spent an entire summer in children's ministry, which wasn't my position. I was hired on in the department of Leadership and Preaching. I was given books on how to lead, and told how to lead, but I was never given the opportunity to lead. When I asked "Why didn't we (there was a group of us) get a chance to teach or preach or lead more?" The executive pastor replied with a blank stare "we don't trust you." That's why? You don't trust a group of Christian College Bible students to bring the gospel to adults? This reply had long term effects upon my faithfulness. I got to a point where I couldn't even pick up the Word of God because I viewed myself as not worthy enough and the fear of preaching and teaching out of context haunted me. As of a couple of weeks ago I called my self faithless. Understand me that I believe in the Jesus Christ, and God, but faithless in the fact that I have no faith. I believe in the facts of Jesus was real and he died for my sins, but I have no faith, or little faith. I have now found what has been hindering my faith for months. It has caused more pain and problems then I ever thought would have happened. I just want to pass along a word of advice if you end up in a situation where you believe this is the best thing ever... take it with a grain of salt. Stand up for yourself and DO NOT let anyone tell you that your worth is wrapped up in who they believe you to be. I wish I would have understood this concept months, years ago.

I recommend that for those 2 that follow my blog (lolz), continue to pray for wisdom and a humble heart. Thanks for reading... till next time.
Chase

I Swear to Tell the Truth...

This is my second devotion for Cornerstone Christian Church. I am currently an intern (not for long!) and I also will be starting up my second year of Bible College. 

            We all have seen crime scene television shows such as Law & Order, Boston Legal, and Matlock. In some episodes there are court scenes where we see a witness approach the stand and say the age old saying, “I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth…” We have seen actual cases over the years where people have been charged with perjury because they took this oath, and then lied (Bernie Madoff, Marion Jones, and Jeffery Archer). This has become the norm, that we now hold a certain skepticism (oath or not) to almost anything we hear or read. After all, words are easy! Whether it is the son asking the father to use the car and while doing so he promises not to crash it, scratch it, or get it dirty; the husband that goes out with his buddies and swears to his wife he won’t drink too much; or the child who pinky swears and then crosses their heart and hopes to die… Oaths have common in our culture. But what does that say about the trustworthiness of our words?

In James 5:12 we are told that “above all, my brothers, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth or by any other oath, but let your ‘yes’ be yes and your ‘no’ be no, so that you may not fall under condemnation.”

James instructs us not to use oaths because he does not want us to fall under condemnation if we break our oaths. If we look at Numbers 30:2 it states “if a man vows a vow to the Lord, or swears an oath to bind himself by a pledge, he shall not break his word. He shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth.” Making oaths is not a sin; however breaking an oath is. Jesus takes this command in Matthew 5:33-37 even further!

“Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.’ But I say to you, do not take an oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. And do not take an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.”

Jesus wants us to be truthful with everything we say. He desires that what comes out of our mouths is pure and righteous, not defiled and evil. When we lie, that is evil. When we speak against a brother, that is evil. When we break oaths, that is evil.

In the television show Lie to Me* there is a character with the name Eli Loker. In the first few episodes he is practicing something he calls “radical honesty.” He will tell you the truth of everything you ask for and everything that is going on in his mind. For example Loker meets his new co-worker Ria Torres and one of the first things out of his mouth is “I have no chance with you.” That is pretty radical and if it happened to you it would be a little awkward. Jesus isn’t calling for “radical honesty,” he’s calling for honesty. Jesus wants our words to not be lacking but truthful.

It is difficult to live the way Jesus wants us to and I believe we all can agree with that. Last week I made an oath with my sister saying I’d pay her back $10 for helping me out. It’s difficult to change our habits and move away from comfort. I’m asking you to imagine a world where Christians by their trust change the world. We would see a rise in business, morale, and in the church. Imagine going into work and your boss gives you opportunities you never would have imagined because of your honesty, because your “yes” meant yes, and your “no” meant no. Imagine if when you asked your kids to clean their room they said “yes” and it was done, just imagine the improvement of family life. Imagine how many lives for Christ could be changed because of our commitment to serve, always making our “yes” yes, and our “no” no.

Look up 2 Timothy 2:15-16. Do you live up to the characteristics Paul describes?

What are some things in your life that would help you make a change toward truth?